when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
