Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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