i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
