my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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