There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
