i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Randomize
