Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Randomize
