I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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