I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
