i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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