Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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