I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
