the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
