new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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