i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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