I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
