Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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