It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
