is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
last night I used snow as a chaser
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
