I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
