Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You can't just leave with hair like that
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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