This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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