I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
