It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
