and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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