That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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