Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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