I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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