And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
