I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
