okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
