I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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