i just had sex bonerless
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
