some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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