That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
