Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
