dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
