guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
