I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
