yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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