im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
ttyl tear gas
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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