By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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