The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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