hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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