i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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