Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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