Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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