My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Randomize
