I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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