Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
