like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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