after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
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